Undercurrent

There’s a stubborn streak in me. I hear "yes definitely" from some! It doesn’t shout. It runs underneath things. An undercurrent. Sometimes it helps. It keeps me steady. Stops me drifting when things feel uncertain. Other times it tightens. I hold on too long, too long. Replay conversations. Digs in when I’m really just tired.

I’ve started to notice it shows up more when my mental health feels stretched. When I’m settled, It's gone and I’m flexible. When I’m anxious or low, I narrow things down. I become firmer. Quieter. Harder to move. From the outside that can look difficult. From the inside, it feels like trying to stay steady. I still get it wrong. Sometimes I protect myself too quickly. Sometimes I mistake discomfort for danger. Burnout, I’ve realised, isn’t always about doing too much.

Why I have just discovered! It’s about carrying too much internally. That’s when the undercurrent pulls strongest. I’m learning to notice it sooner. Only recently. Not to get rid of it. Just to understand what it’s trying to tell me. Definitely ramblings today but need to write something. BW, Leigh